10/06/2024
“What is your favorite dream that you've had?”
That is hard for me to say, but recently I had a dream where I went to a church but instead of Christ it was all birds. I’d really like to go back.
09/06/2024
“What do you think of bugs?”
I feel the same disgust-intrigue-pity that God feels towards us.
“if you could go back in time and say one thing to your younger self, what would you say?”
You’re not going to kill yourself, so act like it.
“is there anything that most people like, but you dont?”
Apple pie, fruit cobbler, etc. Fruit pastries remind me of animal vomit full of kibble. The only fruit desserts that I enjoy are lemon bars & pumpkin pie, because their texture is devoid of any chunks. The less something resembles an actual fruit, the more I like it.
Also, television. TV is a very general acquaintance level topic & people don’t know how to respond when I say that I don’t really watch TV. Oftentimes people will recommend shows to me despite the fact that I explicitly tell them I’m not going to watch them. I find it bizarre. Imagine if someone told me that they don’t read & I started recommending them books.
“do you have any unusual fears?”
I have an intense phobia of cats & a general fear of most animals. (Diminishing) agoraphobia (with great effort), and driving.
“do you think owning a website has impacted your writing in any way?”
Definitely. It’s helped me become a lot less ashamed. On my homepage I’ve written: “I no longer feel the need to explain myself. My only goal is to exist in the open,” and I have achieved that. Even in my most private, illegible journals I used to feel the breath of an imaginary, perceived audience, paralyzing self-inflicted cruelty, but now with a literal audience of indeterminate size I feel neither interest, nor curiosity, nor antagonism: I don’t care about you reading this.
Writing is freedom and I am free.
I once read about this dominatrix who wouldn’t accept any money, because the money would become a form of control and she dominated for the sake of domination. Money would undermine her art. This is the same.
“fav shrimp?”
I’m allergic to shrimp, but those red and white spotted ones are beautiful.
“when lightning strikes nearby, do you get scared or do you like it?”
Outside, I’m scared. Inside, I like it.
Since childhood, I’ve always been a little worried about being struck by lightning but simultaneously assured that I would miraculously survive.
“wired or wireless headphones?”
I have a pair of wireless, Bose headphones. (Over the ear.)
“if you could find one thing that youve lost in the past, what would it be?”
My mother gave me (& my sister) a silver ring & an angel pin that had our birthstones, emerald for me, May. I lost both. I had the ring long enough that it wouldn’t fit my finger anymore, a sadness of growing up.
My sister still has her pin.
“Which is your favorite season, and why?”
It used to be spring, because I associated it with a sense of renewal & of being less depressed, but this spring brought me down to my knees to show me how wrong I was, so I’m not sure anymore. The seasons are very dull where I live & I feel a sense of disconnect from them. Part of the reason that I want to move away from here is that I want to feel the seasons. It’s why I’m intrigued by seasonal fruit; my favorite fruit is rambutan which I can only get from the Asian grocery store part of the year. Its elusiveness makes it special.
I like summer because the days are longer, but it’s too hot here. In a spiritual sense, I would describe this period as the winter of my life.
“If you could pick a place to live for the rest of your life, where would it be?”
Living one place to live for the rest of my life is antithetical to my ideals & dreams, but if I had to choose, maybe Oregon. I only say that because I’ve done very little traveling & would not choose a place that I have never visited, you know?
“What do you think is the most unusual hobby/interest you have?”
I was going to say I am very simple & among my most thrilling hobbies is stamp collecting, but I forgot that I enjoy looking at roadkill. It’s infrequent & opportunistic, but I would still consider it a hobby due to its habitual nature.
“What is your favorite memory/place from your childhood?”
When people ask me this question, I always feel like a complete downer because the majority of my persistent childhood memories range from neutral to abjectly miserable.
I think any answer would be a contrivance, but I miss how our old library used to smell.
“Do you have a favorite fictional character that you maybe look up to and why?”
(Spoilers for Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead), but I like the protagonist’s refusal to succumb to social convention (eccentricity) & her steadfast (arguably immoral) convictions, probably because of their immorality-non-conventionality. I also look up to Hirayama from Perfect Days (2023), no explanation needed. And the artist in the cabin from Kiki’s Delivery Service.
“Do you prefer sunny days or rainy ones?”
When it rains I like standing outside without an umbrella. It brings me back to myself instantly. It’s probably how monks feel with their waterfalls.
And rain gives us rainbows!
“What's your favorite time of day?”
Lately, after school. In general, whenever it’s light outside.
“What color represents you the most?”
Purple is a spiritual color to me, the color of my sense of self, but since last December or so I would say navy blue. This is Vashti’s blue period.
“What do you find fulfilling in your life?”
Nothing much.
I’ve been eating a lot of dark chocolate & takeout lately.
I write & occasionally I even read.
When I get blisters on my feet I don’t care. When I sleep on the bus I don’t care.
Sometimes the right weather fills the hole in my stomach.
“I noticed you have a lot of pictures of angels on your homepage. Do you have a favorite angel?”
You know what’s funny?; despite how much I obviously like angels, despite the fact that my bedroom is plastered with pictures of angels like lost dog fliers, I didn’t even realize my proclivity till someone wrote to me regarding my site: “I also especially enjoy the images you have to share, the wings of rainbow angels I especially enjoyed.”
In a religious sense I do not believe in angels in a concrete way, though I have & sometimes wear a bracelet that reads: May your days all be blessed with the presence of an angel watching over you.
My favorite angels are just paintings, though to answer your question to the best of my capabilities, I like angels that look like humans with wings. The farther they deviate from the human form, the less compelling they are to me. I like them for their humanity. I like them because humans have always dreamed of flying.
“Do you have a favorite painter?”
Yoshitomo Nara!
“Do you like the singer Vashti Bunyan?”
I have been asked that a few times because of my name. I do like Vashti Bunyan, though it has no relation. I liked her a lot in high school & still have enough loyalty that I keep her songs in my playlists, but I often skip them nowadays.
“What snack or drink do you most like to get from a vending machine ?”
One of my favorite things about Japan was the vending machines. There were some Meiji vending machines that sold iced coffee that I loved. I couldn’t get the iced coffee at the konbini; it was a vending machine exclusive I suppose.
“do you have a question you wish people would ask more (to each other in general or to you specifically)?”
Following “What do you do for work?”: “Do you like your job?”
“do you prefer pen & paper or fingers & a keyboard?”
Fingers on a keyboard, so much faster and so much more legible.
“hi vashti! <3 if you had a garden, what would you plant on it?”
“do you have neat handwriting & what is your favourite scent (perfume/oil)?”
“what are 5 albums you would recommend to someone who has hypothetically never listened to music at all?”
I suppose if someone has never listened to music I would choose both albums I like & aspire for some sort of variety in my recommendations:
- Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens
- Okurimono, Hyakkei
- red curb, rei harakami
- Unhappy Refrain, Wowaka
- ... I give up. This question is too hard. I’d just make this hypothetical person listen to five different Sufjan Stevens albums.
“do you prefer white, milk, or dark chocolate?”
Dark chocolate.
“what are hobbies you considered picking up but never actually did anything related to these hobbies?”
Sewing & knitting, (textile hobbies).
“What is your most indulgent habit?”
Eating a chocolate bar every day & eating out every night. Coffee, boba, etc. Food & drink. It’s the only thing I really spend money on. If I’m not going out to eat, then I just spend the money on specialty ingredients to cook with at home.
“How do you choose the books you want to read?”
I get asked this a lot & I don’t actually know. I have a very long list. It’s an intuitive process.
“What do you hate that everyone else seems to love?”
Way too many things.
“What do you love that others hate?”
Inconvenience. Having to wait for things. Not getting what I want. Sleeping on the floor. Reading. Poetry. Personal suffering & strife. Rothko. Getting my work done early. Being misunderstood.