To remember:

  1. I love my suffering.
  2. Anything can be endured.
  3. “If happy I can be I will, if suffer I must I can.”
  4. Courageous acceptance.
Old notes to self:
  1. There are no invisible electric fences.
  2. Andrei Tarkovsky:
  3. “If you look for a meaning, you'll miss everything that happens. Thinking during a film interferes with your experience of it. Take a watch into pieces, it doesn't work. Similarly with a work of art, there's no way it can be analyzed without destroying it.”

  4. Rainer Maria Rilke:
  5. “For imagining an individual’s existence as a larger or smaller room reveals to us that most people are only acquainted with one corner of their particular room, a place by the window, a little area to pace up and down. That way, they have a certain security. And yet the perilous uncertainty that drives the prisoners in Poe’s tales to grope out the outlines of their terrible dungeons and so to know the unspeakable horrors of their surroundings, is so much more human. But we are not prisoners. There are no traps or snares set up around us, and there is nothing that should frighten or torment us... We have no reason to be mistrustful of our world, for it is not against us. If it holds terrors they are our terrors, if it has its abysses these abysses belong to us, if there are dangers then we must try to love them. And if we only organize our life according to the principle which teaches us always to hold to what is difficult, then what now still appears most foreign will become our most intimate and most reliable experience. How can we forget those ancient myths... The myths about the dragons who at the last moment turn into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses, only waiting for the day when they will see us handsome and brave? Perhaps everything terrifying is deep down a helpless thing that needs our help.”

  6. My friend:
  7. “We cannot even imagine how huge our souls are, I think we both agree on this, but what if this is precisely because god is there in them ? Why do you want to see all you can of the world before your pigeon heart stops beating ? Why the want of everything new ? Is it maybe to uncover some corner of your spirit you haven’t met, but know sits waiting to be touched by the sun of your insight ?”

  8. Not lazy, just tired.
  9. Learn to carry your own leash again.
  10. "As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again I will suffer; again and again I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won't let my spirit be destroyed."
  11. "Everybody asks me what things mean in my films. This is terrible! An artist doesn't have to answer for his meanings. I don't think so deeply about my work - I don't know what my symbols may represent. What matters to me is that they arouse feelings, any feelings you like, based on whatever your inner response might be. If you look for a meaning, you'll miss everything that happens. Thinking during a film interferes with your experience of it. Take a watch into pieces, it doesn't work. Similarly with a work of art, there's no way it can be analyzed without destroying it."
  12. Endure what you cannot enjoy.
  13. You can endure anything.
  14. No good, no bad; just living.
  15. Don't let puddles soak your shoes.
  16. Do what you have to. Do what you think is right.
  17. "This is what you deserve. You could be good today. But instead you choose tomorrow."
  18. Stop feeling ashamed; nothing comes of it. Purposeless shame & guilt is just an inward gnawing that will never feed you, will never make you feel whole.
  19. Just keep going. Just do what you have to. Just keep going.
  20. Don't be both the creator & the critic.
  21. One day Hercules rescued Prometheus.
  22. Don't be afraid of heat.
  23. Be unrepentant & be lousy at things; be terrible & enjoy being terrible.
  24. Abandon thoughts & standards of others: Wake up when you want to. Sleep when you want to. Leave your planner empty. There's no one to be other than yourself.
  25. No arbitrary guilt. No self-diminishment.
  26. Retreat into your inner world, but do not put walls around it.
  27. "Nothing is better than to live / a storyless life that needs / no writing for meaning— / when I am gone, let others say / they lost a happy man, / though no one can tell how happy I was."
  28. The discomfort of living the life you want or the discomfort of living in self-denial; discomfort is inescapable. Do not trade your discomfort for the less rewarding kind.
  29. It's okay to be happy. You can be Vashti & you can be happy. These are not mutually exclusive.